Occasionally, I receive an email like the one below. I've edit it to protect the writer, and I'm sharing it because gay men need to know the impossibility of trying to be something other than the way they were created. Read it and weep.

"I am writing to you to ask if you could please delete my account. Please go into the forums and delete my posts as well as the fantasy stories that I wrote in the Apollo Library as well.

I have done a lot of soul searching and consulted with an online psychiatrist who also happens to be gay. I learned that I can't be something that I am not. I have fantasies about sex with men, but when I have the opportunity, I can't act upon them sexually. My body won't allow it.

I also realized that I went way too far in those fantasy stories. Someone, somewhere could easily put two and two together and discover who I really am."

The above letter reveals a man conflicted on so many levels that one hardly knows where to begin. In fact, the above letter is the second from him. The first came over ten years ago. He consequently opened another account on Apollo. You might think that after ten years of trying not to be gay, its futility would be evident. Apparently, not so.