To Ron: On the Internet many gay men are strange. If one tries to be friendly, they run in the opposite direction. Others can be seductive or stupid. Over the years that some half dozen or more men have me written going into great detail of their lives. I respond with a cheerful friendly letter, but then the relationship suddenly fades to zero. (At Right: Ideally, gay romance leads to a partnership or gay marriage as with this newly wed Spanish couple.)

What do they want? Me to seduce them? Instant sex with a PERFECT image of their imaginations? So many gay men build an image of a perfect man and expect to find him. Anything that does not fit their fantasy, is quickly tossed aside, and they keep searching for the perfect man of their dreams. Ask a gay man why he rejects another, and the reason is almost always something physical and often related to his body or crotch.

What do these things have to do with being a sweet and loving person? Nothing! Since the perfect man does not exist, they continue their life aimlessly looking for something better to fit their fantasy and usually end up alone. -Bill

To Bill: Your letter was priceless, and it summed up the problem with romance on line that most people have not figured out, namely that when men think about sex they enter into fantasy in their minds and on line. They can never see the real person either physically, spiritually, or mentally. When they do see a photo, they base their evaluation of the man on physical things alone.

This is not the way real life works, except for picking up hookers for a quicky. In real life, you spend time being around someone, get to know him/her, have dates, maybe have sex, and then evaluate the entire person. Most gay men on line are looking for sex with a hooker. If the Internet has taught me anything, it is that on line romance is about having sex, but partnership is about building a relationship.

People need to stop thinking of the Internet as the street corner where hookers hang out. Instead, they need to start seeing it as place to meet interesting men around the world with whom they can exchange ideas, learn other cultures, and have good pals whom they may never see. If one does meet a future partner (I sure did), so much the better. If this approach is not appealing, then one should return to picking up tricks in gay bars or hustlers on the street meat racks.